Blood Bath

It was brutal. Really brutal. We each waited for a phone call, all 800 of us. When I got there at 9:30 it had already started. We had heard 20% would be cut, but it seems closer to 40%. Entire departments fell. Still, each person got a call. One by one. By 10:30 they had started on our department. David got a call...he was out. We were discussing when Eric got a call. They told him to go upstairs, which was generally the indication that you were made redundant. They will only tell you that in person. He was gone for a few minites when James came in to tell me he had been cast. He was so relieved. After days of stress, and being sick on top of it, it was all over. I heard Eric come back and pack up his stuff to leave. Yup, he's gone. Artists gathered in the hallway to discuss who is gone and why. Out of about 20 people in our group, they cut 9. A lot more than 20%. People were cut who are brilliant and quite gifted. As the morning passed, I grew more and more concerned. I clomped around the hall trying to burn off nervous energy, but people mistook that for my being happy and assumed I got The Call. Finally, at 12:30, the phone rang.

I have a Bat Phone (a phone with caller id on it) at work, so I can always tell who is bothering me. I saw the name - Tanja Knoblich (which James tells me means garlic in German.) Tanja is a wonderful, sweet person whom I have worked with for years. We worked quite closely together back in the Resources Days and I always counted on her for the best gossip. And on this day, I knew she was fortunate enough to be passing out the good calls. My heart lept and I answered. "Dara, my friend, you've been cast on the next project!"

I was giddier than I expected I would be. We were all allowed to leave for the day and I had a hair appointment. Which was great. Hair stylists are always the best people to vent to. She got an earfull from me.

Today I'm dealing with the survivor's guilt. I feel as if I have a dying Tom Hanks saying to my Private Ryan, "Earn this...."

Earn this.