He's so distant. He stares into space, sometimes looking through me. Sometimes he looks at me, into my soul it feels like. There was a point last night in which he stared so deeply into my eyes, I felt a connection that I rarely feel even in humans. It was very intense and brough tears to my eyes. He was reaching out to me I think to make me feel better. That seems to be his only concern lately is to make us feel better. He's given up on himself.
He drinks water like crazy and sometimes eats a little baby food. But he's gone. The cat I know is gone. So why is it so hard to make that final decision? I strongly believe that life should be fun and spontaneous. Having a pet euthanized is neither. And I always believed death should be spontaneous as well.
I bought a stone heart on Sunday at the garden center. It says "giggle" on it. When I picked it up today, it broke. I am consistantly disappointed in how much my life is filled with such literal metaphors. Maybe disappointment is a strong word. Amused perhaps.
And still, life goes on.
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