Hanging with the Dude

We're sitting in the big round chair right now. Duncan's tail is wagging, as it has been constantly for the past 10 days. He seems really uncomfortable and has a sad look in his eyes. He sat for a while in his sunbeam, which he loves so much. But generally, he won't stay in one place long. he's restless. His mouth is covered in evaporated milk, sweet potatoes and catsip. I put the evaporated milk in my coffee as a way of sharing something.

Russ decided to dress up and shower for the occasion, in respect to our dear friend. I will follow suit. I think maybe a gray and white outfit in honor of my beloved knight.

I took Duncan around the yard to look at stuff, grass, plants, roses, mint. Paxton killed all the catnip, but he wouldn't have liked it today anyway. He has such a strange look in his eyes. Not vacant like it was a few days ago. It seems a little delusional, as if he's trying to remember who I am. I think he's just a little nutty from not eating or maybe the cancer. He tried to eat litter a couple of times. But I stare into those little green eyes and know how much I will miss them. I love those eyes.

2:13 am

I'm awake. Duncan's awake. It's our last night together. He's been out of it for most of the evening, but sudden;y seemed awake. He didn't want to eat, but now I can't get back to sleep so here I am.

The outpouring of love has been wondeful. I think we've aligned ourselves with a good group of pet friendly friends.

I was just thinking of Duncan's little ears. His left ear, especially after the amputation has been so dirty. I suppose he can't clean it as well, although he has never cleaned his own ears. Apparently, it's a trait of dominant cats. They expect other cats to clean it for them.

Ah. Sir Duncan was thirsty. His official title is Brave Sir Duncan of Donuts, Knight of Three Legs. But around here, we just call him The Dude. And no matter what, The Dude abides.

Duncan update

He's so distant. He stares into space, sometimes looking through me. Sometimes he looks at me, into my soul it feels like. There was a point last night in which he stared so deeply into my eyes, I felt a connection that I rarely feel even in humans. It was very intense and brough tears to my eyes. He was reaching out to me I think to make me feel better. That seems to be his only concern lately is to make us feel better. He's given up on himself.

He drinks water like crazy and sometimes eats a little baby food. But he's gone. The cat I know is gone. So why is it so hard to make that final decision? I strongly believe that life should be fun and spontaneous. Having a pet euthanized is neither. And I always believed death should be spontaneous as well.

I bought a stone heart on Sunday at the garden center. It says "giggle" on it. When I picked it up today, it broke. I am consistantly disappointed in how much my life is filled with such literal metaphors. Maybe disappointment is a strong word. Amused perhaps.

And still, life goes on.

Duncan and End of Days

Duncan is really, really sick. He barely eats, and only baby food at that. He has that distant look in his eyes most of the time. Here he is with Paxton who has taken to protecting him even though Duncan has kicked his ass for 15 years.

This is my post to the Yahoo feline cancer group:

Sir Duncan of Donuts is having a slightly better day. We discovered
the miracle of baby food. Turns out he doesn't want to chew. He may
have fallen on his jaw perhaps or his teeth hurt. the vet didn't see
anythign wrong on tuesday, but it wasn't his normal vet. Regardless,
baby food is the only thing I can get him to eat. Ham, turkey and
sweet potatoes. He always liked orange food, except oranges. He's
been very alert today which is really nice. But he still depends on
Taxi Mom and Taxi dad to cart him around. He has so much trouble
walking. I know there isn't much time left, so I cherish this happy
day so much.

Vast Ocean

Yesterday morning, Russ and I woke up early and drove to Santa Monica for our very first ocean swim. We were so excited and I was actually VERY nervous about the water being cold. That to me would be pain and you fear pain. It's the same as going to get a root canal. You are not afraid that something is going to happen during the procedure, just that you know you are subjecting yourself to pain and a generally unpleasant experience.

To my surprise, the water was a balmy 67. In the wetsuit, it was quite nice. My beginning group of 3 with our leader Conrad marched into the water to practice getting in and out. We learned to duck dive under waves, which I thought were scary and big. Conrad agreed that the conditions were not favorable to a beginner. I actually had a great time going under the waves and was doing very well. And then I panicked. We were to swim past the waves to the calm. And I went in to try to swim and the ocean, the big waves, the salt water it all literally came crashing down on me. I tried to get into my swimming rhythm, but couldn't seem to breathe. I needed to stop and try to center myself but we were right in the middle of the waves parts. There was no resting. You had to swim under the waves and I couldn't put my head under anymore. I remembered a time when I got stuck in the middle of a lake because Edward wanted me to swim back to the boat so he could windsurf alone. The boat wasn't anchored. i found myself right in the boat path, alone and helpless. And I remembered the time when I was 4 at a swimming lesson. The teacher was away at the moment so I decided to show off for my mom who was watching from the side. The pool was too deep, I couldn't swim yet and I panicked. My mom just sat and watched. She later told me she thought I'd learn faster if she didn't try to help. I was alone and helpless. Swimming back in was almost impossible. If it weren't for that annoying little girl cheering me on, I don't think I would have made it. And actually, it also made me think that I don't know if I could cheer on the annoying little girl, as a side note. She was just too annoying.

I don't know if I can do the swim.......

Rhiannon rings like a bell in the night...

Rhiannon, besides being a song about a Welsh witch, is a dear Welsh friend. Well, she's a friend who happens to be Welsh I suppose it more accurate. And she's married to another dear friend Michael. Here we are eating at French 75. It was a wonderful dinner to celebrate their birthdays and the impending birthday of their daughter. Russ said when the chocolate souffle came out, I made an O face. I think he was jealous of the dessert.

Luck of the Irish

The Irish have never been really lucky in any way. Generally, that island has been invaded and subjugated over the past 2000 years. I think the phrase is meant ot be ironic. But then there is Guinness. I have always had good luck when it comes to Guinness. Friday night was indeed a lovely time surrounded by friends and Guinness. In fact, besides our dear Disney friends, we stumbled upon Pete, an old stand-up friend from Chicago. And by stand-up friend, I mean we all did stand-up. Pete is one of the most sweet, talented people I know. He wrote, directed and starred in a movie, which actually was really funny. The triple threat is usually a buzz kill, but this one truly did not suck. But Pete is jobless, taking writing gigs from time to time and playing father to his young son Joseph. Sometimes I miss being on that end of the business. But rarely. Surrounded by friends and Guinness, I feel really lucky.

Angie Lafontaine

Friday, I drove down to E! in the Mid-Wilshire district or Miracle Mile or whatever it's called and shot a few more installments of The 7 deadly Sins of Hollywood. I think they changed the title to somethign less logical like The 7 Hollywood Sins Deadly. Russ oh so kindly brought me in to play one of the talking head characters. It's really fun. Angie is an OC tabloid subscriber. She KNOWS celebrities like she knows sculptured nails. Note the fake eyelashes. I kept the make-up on all day, just for fun. I got so many compliments, I'm considering making this my new look.

On the way back to Disney, I stopped for petrol. Geez. I'm going broke driving in LA. Note the bilboard of a little girl crying. It's some photo exhibit about End Times, which is weird, but I find it ultimately ironic that it is posted by a gas station. The tank cost over $46. I don't even drive an SUV. And instead of shutting off as pumps normally do, this one lept out of the tank and squirted all over the ground. I probably lost a good $5 right there on the pavement.

Whatever happened to Full Serve???

Waxy

Oh, the pain!

I had my very first bikini waxing yesterday. All my friends rave about it, so it seemed like the thing to do. My first question is, what man invented this? Oh, my dear jesus, the pain was unreal. And, hey! It lasts for HOURS. I'm still a little stingy today.

When I made the appointment, I was very clear that this was my first waxing and I was afraid of it. The suggestion was for me to take an advil before hand. I did, but what effect that had I have no idea. I showed up on time and waited. Then my waxer, Noelle, greeted me. She's a cute little goth girl from Indiana. All of 25 maybe. I kept convincing myself that she would be very good, even if she wan't remotely Russian. I told her this was my first time. She remarked that everything would be just fine. I'm blonde after all - tiny little hairs that come out easily. She started explaining everything she was doing. I tried to take the curious, scientific approach thinking that would distract me. No go. It really hurt. Noelle kept the chatter going, trying to keep me focused. At this point, I was assuming there would be about 5 strips to rip off. There were lots! I had no idea they do little sections. Oh, the pain, the pain. Not quite as bad as getting a piercing. Possibly close to getting a tatoo. Which by the way, this has sealed it for me that I'm not going to sport the ink.

After leaving, I went to the coffee house next door to recover over a sandwich and a latte. The shock was wearing off and I was feeling pretty good. Somewhere in the mid-afternoon however, I started really feeling nauseas. I think I was running a fever. This can't be good for you. I finally had the courage to peek and see Noelle's handywork. She missed a few spots. I shuddered to think that there could have been more. So did she stop because I looked as if I was going to pass out? Or is it that spots get missed? Or is she just not that great a waxer?

After all that, I know deep in my heart that I will be back in that table in six weeks.

Night Running

I went fo ran evenin run. Had to as it was 100 degrees in various parts of the valley today. I love running at the end if the day. You get to see so much. I met about 5 dogs, three were just puppies. One cat. Quite a few families on a post meal walk. I smelled BBQ, hamburgers, and I think chef Boy-r-dee ravioli. usually it's tater-tots, but that was missing. Maybe Tater-tots are not a Sunday night offering. There is something so binding about meeting people in your neighborhood in a Sunday.

Jason's birthday

This is Jason. He had a birthday party last night.

I found myself on the roof of the Standard Hotel on the Sunset strip speaking in Hollywoodese. It's a dialect that one picks up when around these types. Funny thing is these types are my friends. I gave Jason some Hands Off! Anti-masturbation creme and a book of 1950's pin-ups. Seemed appropriate. I usually give him some sort of underwear, but I couldn't find anything this year that I haven't already given him. Besides, it's really hard to beat that one time in 1999....

Our friend Michael had a party at his house. There was already a running joke centered around the fact that I prefer thong underwear. I had jokingly promised I would donate a pair to Jason. Russ and I devised a plan. So, being his birthday and all, I gave him a little black pair in the kitchen, right in front of everyone. Everyone laughed and Russ stormed off in a pretend huff, but we played it up to Jason, telling him that Russ was so mad he had locked himself in the bathroom. So Jason went to find Russ and "talk him down" when Russ appeared, handing his own boxer-briefs to Jason, not to be outdone. And that was the night the McGarrys gave Jason their undergarments.

Father and Son Pizza

Back in Chicago, I lived right behind Father and Son Pizza on Milwaukee Ave, just past Fullerton. Even though it was a few steps away, I always had baked ziti delivered in the winter. One summer day, I was there noshing and sipping stale iced tea (it was never good there) and I realized that right behind me was legendary film critic Roger Ebert. He was waxing poetic about Sean Penn being the greatest American actor of our time. It was a valid argument in 1989. Father and Son was a favorite of his, so I wasn't surprised by his presence but star struck nonetheless. Famous people rarely came out in Chicago.

Years later in LA, I was walking up to the Vanity Fair party after the 1999 Oscars when I spotted Gene Siskel, the other half of the famous film critic duo. I lived in the neighborhood and it was an annual trek to walk up Robertson Ave and watch stars do the red carpet thing. This year, due to a traffic snafu, the stars ALSO had to walk up Robertson Ave much to our delight. As our comic friend Pardo was on the phone to another comic, Pat, Gene passed by. Jimmy held out the phone to Gene and said, "Gene Siskel, say hello to Pat in Chicago!" And he did. Without a beat he said, "Hello, Pat, " and kept walking up Robertson. Being Chicagoans, we were awed by not only the presence but the vocal acuity of dear old Gene. And those were the last words we heard him say. He died weeks later.

What's in your fridge?

A banger. And some mash. I guess. I am not brave enough to open the container. This is what happens when you open up your fridge for use by others. The cottage cheese is mine. The beer (belgian) is not.

Giggles

I'm waiting to get a new computer at work. My current one is apparently experiencing disk failure. I got to choose the name, only because I used to run that department. Giggles was available so I chose that one. Giggles was the name of my very first unix (SGI) back in the day, back in Dinosaur. I thought it would be a good omen. I loved that computer and I loved that I had one named giggles. I would have opted for the single malt scotch, I know because I named those computers, but one wasn't available.

So, here I am, fresh out of python class, holding a houdini book and waiting for my new linux. How did I get here?

Strange as it ever was, stange as it ever was.

Baby Bird

I just held a baby bird in my hand. I felt his tiny, soft feathers against my cheek. He didn't seem too terrified, but that mybe because he's tired. First of all, there is the distinct possibility that it is a she. i don't know why I assume. I'm not that great at sexing birds. Secondly, I don't know how long he has been in the house. I got home around 8 or so. I found him at 9:45. And birds don't do much after dark. So has he been here all day??? I only found him because Paxton was riveted to the mirror on the dresser, which he has never fancied before. Low and behold there was the bird. I was easily able to pick him up and take him outside. I considered feeding him, which I got schooled at in chicago when I bird-sat a baby Robin. Just as I was about to go in and get the cat food to feed him (yes, cat food) he flew to the empty house next door. I think he was aiming for the tree, but flew just shy of it. I heard a thud which I assume was him landing on the tin shed. I hope. Well, good news is that there is nothing next door and he can clearly fly to his next destination. I only hope he is able to feed himself since he may have not eaten all day. Poor kid. I wish I had been able to feed him first.

Minnie's Moonlit Monster

Tonight, I'm supposed to be running around Disneyland, tethered to 3 of my co-workers as we race through the park solving impossible quizzes and puzzles. But one of our intrepid team, Ross, seems to have disappeared. Not as intrepid as once thought. And since we cannot play with only 3 on the team, we will be forced to sip cocktails and talk about Disney trivia instead. Seeing as I have a difficult software class at 9am tomorrow, I'm really not heartbroken. Perhaps we'll wait until next year to race to the 5 corners of the Park and do calculus with the addresses on the shops in New Orleans Square.

Or, one of the co-workers will frighten someone into being a forth and I'll be up til 2am anyway. Geesh. I should have stayed hime sick today.

Lumpy Dunc again

Since last Monday, Duncan has been fine but his tumor seems to have grown quite a bit. you could see the changes by hte hour. Finally today, it burst. We had a vet appointment anyway. Turns out it had gotten infected, as tumors do. Necrosis. Who knew? The vet cleaned it up n- it was NASTY. I mean beyond your imagination nasty. But now he's pretty much resting and oozing. We're outside. I'm on the new hammock we purchased this weekend as part of the make Duncan feel better parade. He does love the hammock. But now he's on the love seat. A hummingbird keeps buzzing my head, and a young finch is learning to sing I suppose as he keeps doing it. His dad stays close by, observing and giving pointers. I've come to realize this spring that many baby birds sound the same.

We had a baby mockingbird in the jasmine. He flys now, but I still hear him and his Peter Brady style bird cry. Poor kid. He'll get through puberty soon I hope. What an awkward phase for a bird.

Run, Forest, Run

I'm just now understanding the importance of the brunch venue from Sunday. James, Marlon, Dale, Russ and I had just run the first ever Carpe Diem 10k in Santa Monica, ending at the pier. It was so much fun. And of course later we were hungry. So we ate at the restaurant on the pier which happened to be Bubba Gump's Shrimp Co, named after the reference in the movie Forest Gump. Everything in the restaurant refered back to the movie or to running. I suppose I was in such a daze after running 6.2 miles, I didn't really notice at the time.

It was a really fun race, mostly along the shore looking out over the foggy ocean. I also enjoyed running past lots of nice boutiques with handmade jewelry in the window. Maybe that's why my time was a little slow. The last 2 miles were slightly downhill so I enjoyed picking up the pace quite a bit. I came in at a cool 1:10, which is great for me. I have never been fast (on my feet) - ever. And that race was no exception. BUT I had so much fun, I am sure I will do it again soon. There is the Mud Run coming up in June......

Mr Show

Our show Friday night was...interesting. A study in why I am not comfortable in charging people money to watch improv. The night was a train wreck. Most scenes went on too long, there was a lot of negation. It was generally a nightmare. but we did OK considering we only had 3 people. I ended up being patient zero with the uncommon cold, who had 2 spines and got sold to the circus as Mdme. Chernobyl. It was fun and we got some good laughs. Poor Mark. I dragged him to go see it and he was very, very nice about it. But I mean come on - the show was crap. He paid to see crap. Oh well - it's all a crap shoot. Ha! Pun.

Why are Creative Executives in existance?

They are not creative. They are executives. Usually minus a tie, but they own several. Even the women. It's a left-over from an ill-timed Annie Hall wardrobe phase. They thought they would look more powerful, but realized they just look frumpy. There are currently 3 levels of mandatory notes levels here at the Studio. Those 3 levels are being whisked out the door as I speak. But that they ever existed is a mystery. Who were these strange and mysterious Creative Execs? And why were they there? Some day, we'll all look back on this and laugh. Like the Edsel.